(Formerly known as Deleted For Controversial Material, the post is back because fuck you :p I'm surprised I still have it...)
AUTOBIOGRAPHIST
Has one script, usually a "urban" drama / crime drama or similar inner city potboiler. Loves it like a mother, e.g. won't stop talking about it, and won't do anything to change it no matter how many ways and in how much detail you explain how awful it is.
CLOSET BIGOT
Let's be clear here: this writer is NOT a racist, sexist, homophobe or xenophobe. The CHARACTERS are. Trouble is, that includes the hero.
LAZY NOVELIST
Turning your beat sheet into a novel is always a much better idea than writing another screenplay. You take complete control of your vision, in the form of a tome you can publish online, today, for the world to endure. Trouble is, it takes forever, and your sale will be roughly, if you really advertise, about $8. Plus you have to know what dangling participles are, how to use adverbs, where to put punctuation, and other things that won't get you meetings in LA.
So the Lazy Novelist drifts in the netherworld, cranking out 160 page specs with the act 2 break on p 34, packed with thick direction blocks, clumsy formatting and soliloquys on every other page. Concise premise? Likable characters? That's for those hacks in Hollywood the Lazy Novelist never got to be.
Which brings us to the...
OUTSIDER
Extremely disciplined, fervent student of structure and characterization, and a true movie fan. S/he also studies the business, and follows sales and trades and the inside scoops and lingo…from her/his house in Wisconsin. Or South Dakota. S/he would go indie and film the script on a shoestring, but s/he's really busy with work, kids, sick parents, things like that.
Probably knows the…
CONTESTANT
Is really excited that s/he won the Tuscaloosa Film Festival script contest. S/he also "placed" or was a quarterfinalist on any other number of other contests where the requirements to place basically involve your script not being written in crayon.
There are only two contests in the world where Third Place means anything at all (barely): The Olympics, and Nicholls. And no agents or producers in Hollywood ever ask you what contests you placed in. The Contestant's specs are proof why.
ONLINE BLOWHARD
Hey! This isn't funny anymore! :p
Showing posts with label screenplay. Show all posts
Showing posts with label screenplay. Show all posts
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Burnin' Down The Country Club
(Finally, a long essay! Something more than a tweet or bulletin board post can do justice to. Enjoy or endure as you will.)
Imagine climbing a mountain. Steep, cold, harsh, just you and the elements. One little mistake, one weakness in any part of your body or mind, and it's all over for you. But you climb the mountain because you need to, because you love to. And finally you reach the mountaintop, to find...
Another mountain.
Steeper, harsher, and now flanked by militia nuts who wish you harm.
Welcome to a professional artist's world.
In my main field, script writing, new writers are under fire. More so than normal, if such a thing is possible. Terry Rossio advises young artists to "Throw In The Towel"*. Josh Olson declares that "I Will Not Read Your Fucking Script", and Harlan Ellison eagerly echoes the sentiment in rhyme.
I think writers are in need of a little love right now.
I've been covering amateur scripts with my internship and reading and critiquing the same for over 6 years now. I'm up to about 100 a year, two or three a week. (A professional can cover two or more a DAY. But no one is paying me, and I have a life, kinda.) And I'll let you in on a little secret.
They're not all that bad.
There's a dozen or so in recent memory that made me want to hit the writers for making me look at that garbage. There's also three or so a year that overjoy me, that make me wish I was an agent and I could force someone into giving them a big bag of money to film the movie. Legalities prevent me from telling you all about them here, but we're getting ahead of ourselves.
The rest are in the middle. The authors can spell and understand how humans talk. The story is energetic, has good flow, involves emotionally in some way. The script, in a word, is good. Good is worthless in Hollywood. Good won't get you a cab ride in LA, or anywhere else. There are simply too many good or really good scripts out there, which is why we have development executives and story analysts and paid readers to dig through them for treasure.
But what of the great, the fantastic, the inspiring? They've always had a tough ride to the top, but is the hate for the untried author turning into a lynch mob of sorts?
Don't misunderstand, the hunt for work is challenging. It builds emotional strength, and it proves one is willing to work hard in this profession. But has a good defense turned into an aggressive offense? Call me paranoid, but are the hard working and imaginative getting swept up in the witch hunt along with the drunks, posers and starstruck teens that have always comprised amateur hour? What a tragic thing that would be. A tragedy of epic proportions.
Or let's look at it a little more cynically: where will the fresh meat come from now? Hollywood has had one of the worst years since...ever. What can you say about a year when the #1 movie is about big toys? And it's getting worse. How badly do you want to see what's opening this weekend?
If there's something that does catch your eye, I bet it has to do with the idea. The poster, the trailer: these are the parades heralding that magic thing in Hollywood, the thing called The Good Idea. Accompanying it are snappy lines that make you laugh, or a riddle that makes you think, or a depraved threat that makes you lose sleep when you think about it. This is what we do. Everyone thinks they can do it, so everyone tries. And as any Hollywood reader, development exec or story analyst will tell you, everyone fails.
Well, almost everyone. The recording industry was only as good as the songs on the top 10, and the movie industry is only as good as the movies in octoplexes this weekend. And the blockbuster movies all start with one special ingredient.
They start with a great script.
Let's go back to the mountain - you've made it up the mountain beyond the other mountain, eluded the commandoes and not fallen to a painful death. Now there at the mountaintop, surrounded by nothing but sky, is a beautiful club house full of elegantly dressed people. They look up from their strong stylish drinks to look at you, and they point.
And laugh. They're laughing at you. And they point down, as if to say hope you enjoyed the climb, now go back to Idaho where you belong. Meet the new country club, same as the old country club.
Maybe burning down this club is a harsh idea. Better to build our own clubhouse. Or screw the clubhouses, just create a new Hollywood, as one kid on a internet BBS suggested. Our own studios without red tape and marketing firms, just artists with common sense and uncommon talent. It's how it all started. It can happen again.
*I cannot post a direct link because when links to same and credited quotes came up on a website bulletin board I frequent, the author threatened to have the admins sued and ARRESTED if all quotes and links were not immediately deleted. Gee, who'd a thunk promoting your publicly viewable website is a bad thing? What country is this again?
Imagine climbing a mountain. Steep, cold, harsh, just you and the elements. One little mistake, one weakness in any part of your body or mind, and it's all over for you. But you climb the mountain because you need to, because you love to. And finally you reach the mountaintop, to find...
Another mountain.
Steeper, harsher, and now flanked by militia nuts who wish you harm.
Welcome to a professional artist's world.
In my main field, script writing, new writers are under fire. More so than normal, if such a thing is possible. Terry Rossio advises young artists to "Throw In The Towel"*. Josh Olson declares that "I Will Not Read Your Fucking Script", and Harlan Ellison eagerly echoes the sentiment in rhyme.
I think writers are in need of a little love right now.
I've been covering amateur scripts with my internship and reading and critiquing the same for over 6 years now. I'm up to about 100 a year, two or three a week. (A professional can cover two or more a DAY. But no one is paying me, and I have a life, kinda.) And I'll let you in on a little secret.
They're not all that bad.
There's a dozen or so in recent memory that made me want to hit the writers for making me look at that garbage. There's also three or so a year that overjoy me, that make me wish I was an agent and I could force someone into giving them a big bag of money to film the movie. Legalities prevent me from telling you all about them here, but we're getting ahead of ourselves.
The rest are in the middle. The authors can spell and understand how humans talk. The story is energetic, has good flow, involves emotionally in some way. The script, in a word, is good. Good is worthless in Hollywood. Good won't get you a cab ride in LA, or anywhere else. There are simply too many good or really good scripts out there, which is why we have development executives and story analysts and paid readers to dig through them for treasure.
But what of the great, the fantastic, the inspiring? They've always had a tough ride to the top, but is the hate for the untried author turning into a lynch mob of sorts?
Don't misunderstand, the hunt for work is challenging. It builds emotional strength, and it proves one is willing to work hard in this profession. But has a good defense turned into an aggressive offense? Call me paranoid, but are the hard working and imaginative getting swept up in the witch hunt along with the drunks, posers and starstruck teens that have always comprised amateur hour? What a tragic thing that would be. A tragedy of epic proportions.
Or let's look at it a little more cynically: where will the fresh meat come from now? Hollywood has had one of the worst years since...ever. What can you say about a year when the #1 movie is about big toys? And it's getting worse. How badly do you want to see what's opening this weekend?
If there's something that does catch your eye, I bet it has to do with the idea. The poster, the trailer: these are the parades heralding that magic thing in Hollywood, the thing called The Good Idea. Accompanying it are snappy lines that make you laugh, or a riddle that makes you think, or a depraved threat that makes you lose sleep when you think about it. This is what we do. Everyone thinks they can do it, so everyone tries. And as any Hollywood reader, development exec or story analyst will tell you, everyone fails.
Well, almost everyone. The recording industry was only as good as the songs on the top 10, and the movie industry is only as good as the movies in octoplexes this weekend. And the blockbuster movies all start with one special ingredient.
They start with a great script.
Let's go back to the mountain - you've made it up the mountain beyond the other mountain, eluded the commandoes and not fallen to a painful death. Now there at the mountaintop, surrounded by nothing but sky, is a beautiful club house full of elegantly dressed people. They look up from their strong stylish drinks to look at you, and they point.
And laugh. They're laughing at you. And they point down, as if to say hope you enjoyed the climb, now go back to Idaho where you belong. Meet the new country club, same as the old country club.
Maybe burning down this club is a harsh idea. Better to build our own clubhouse. Or screw the clubhouses, just create a new Hollywood, as one kid on a internet BBS suggested. Our own studios without red tape and marketing firms, just artists with common sense and uncommon talent. It's how it all started. It can happen again.
*I cannot post a direct link because when links to same and credited quotes came up on a website bulletin board I frequent, the author threatened to have the admins sued and ARRESTED if all quotes and links were not immediately deleted. Gee, who'd a thunk promoting your publicly viewable website is a bad thing? What country is this again?
Friday, February 27, 2009
My blog is back up
I updated my main page with an improved CSS look and for some reason lost the current link. Sorry about that, if you noticed.
On a related note, I may have reached an impasse with any delusions of being a professional programmer I might have harbored. At least my script reading career is doing well, as far as an internship can be considered a career.
On a related note, I may have reached an impasse with any delusions of being a professional programmer I might have harbored. At least my script reading career is doing well, as far as an internship can be considered a career.
Sunday, April 13, 2008
Beverly Hills Film Festival 2008
Have I mentioned that I'm a finalist!? The fest has been running all week, and tonight is the awards ceremony, including honors for writers. I entered on a very old draft of The Bloody Duchess, which has no chance in hell of winning and plus I can't afford the outrageous airfare to LA right now.
If any other entrants followed this link from the online exchange, firstly, welcome to my blog! And congratulations to us for placing, and especially to whoever gets the grand prize. Options and nice weather is what I wish for everyone!
UPDATE: Congratulations to the top 3 winners! The director estimated over 500 scripts were entered, and 69 were chosen as finalists. The top 14th percentile isn't too bad, is it?
If any other entrants followed this link from the online exchange, firstly, welcome to my blog! And congratulations to us for placing, and especially to whoever gets the grand prize. Options and nice weather is what I wish for everyone!
UPDATE: Congratulations to the top 3 winners! The director estimated over 500 scripts were entered, and 69 were chosen as finalists. The top 14th percentile isn't too bad, is it?
Friday, December 28, 2007
2007 Schoolin' at the Movies
Ladies and Gentlepeoples, lock up your scotch and talk to your daughters-it's the 2007 year at the movies, through my entirely opinionated view. Away we go:
MOVIE OF THE YEAR: No Country for Old Men
RUNNER UP(S-a tie!): Eastern Promises, Inland Empire
A: Black Gold
A: Perfume: The Story of a Murderer
A-: The Lives of Others
A-: Grindhouse (Theatrical Presentation)
A-: The Darjeeling Limited
B+: Michael Clayton
B: Planet Terror (Grindhouse Feature)
B-: A Sidewalk Astronomer
B-: Plagues and Pleasures of the Salton Sea
B-: Rescue Dawn
B-: Hot Fuzz
C+: Paris, Je T'Aime
C+: The Simpsons: Movie
C+: Sicko
C: Sunshine
C: 28 Weeks Later
C-: Evan Almighty
C-: Death Proof (Grindhouse Feature)
DUNCE CAP: Pan's Labyrinth
COOL REVIVALS: The Big Lebowski, Planet of the Apes, Duck Soup, Jaws, Psycho, Mafioso, The Birds
Links going up at DVDTalk.com and highlighted at TriggersTreet.com, right away! A year where even the stinker of the year, wasn't horrible, is a good year.
Maybe my standards, and need to compete, are waning in my middle age.
MOVIE OF THE YEAR: No Country for Old Men
RUNNER UP(S-a tie!): Eastern Promises, Inland Empire
A: Black Gold
A: Perfume: The Story of a Murderer
A-: The Lives of Others
A-: Grindhouse (Theatrical Presentation)
A-: The Darjeeling Limited
B+: Michael Clayton
B: Planet Terror (Grindhouse Feature)
B-: A Sidewalk Astronomer
B-: Plagues and Pleasures of the Salton Sea
B-: Rescue Dawn
B-: Hot Fuzz
C+: Paris, Je T'Aime
C+: The Simpsons: Movie
C+: Sicko
C: Sunshine
C: 28 Weeks Later
C-: Evan Almighty
C-: Death Proof (Grindhouse Feature)
DUNCE CAP: Pan's Labyrinth
COOL REVIVALS: The Big Lebowski, Planet of the Apes, Duck Soup, Jaws, Psycho, Mafioso, The Birds
Links going up at DVDTalk.com and highlighted at TriggersTreet.com, right away! A year where even the stinker of the year, wasn't horrible, is a good year.
Maybe my standards, and need to compete, are waning in my middle age.
Sunday, March 11, 2007
UPDATES: My web, My writer's groups
The eMail info for my website has been updated. If you have tried to use my old eMail info, I know - I'm the worlds worst admin. It's OK now.
The Alien From Avenue C is on the internets HERE. I've been working with other writers for a very long time now, in a kind of support group thing as we all go for the gold and try to make work that is meaningful and moving to other people. You must be a member to view. I'm also a member here, NYC group.
UPDATE: And my horror feature, The Prodigal Son, is up on Meetup! Again, you MUST be a member and it is recommended you be a screenwriter or relevant industry person/artist to join. Other links will be available soon for everyone to see.
The Alien From Avenue C is on the internets HERE. I've been working with other writers for a very long time now, in a kind of support group thing as we all go for the gold and try to make work that is meaningful and moving to other people. You must be a member to view. I'm also a member here, NYC group.
UPDATE: And my horror feature, The Prodigal Son, is up on Meetup! Again, you MUST be a member and it is recommended you be a screenwriter or relevant industry person/artist to join. Other links will be available soon for everyone to see.
Sunday, March 4, 2007
Wanna Buy a Screenplay?
My receipt for Copyrights and for the WGA registry safely in hand, I proudly offer you my pitches for The complete first drafts (first two of many, many) of my two feature screenplays, No Prince Charming and The Prodigal Son.
No Prince Charming (breakup / midlife crisis drama)
LOGLINE: What would you do if you were attracted to an executive at your company? You would assume she doesn't need someone like you in your life. Are you sure?
Our hero is an aging bachelor with a high pressure, if outwardly dull, job. His fascination is a dotcom multimillionaire who owns the company he works for-together with her husband, with whom she appears to have a wonderful life and family. But he's deep in a merger that's about to go sour, and she's cheating on him with the gardener. When a bitter divorce eventually breaks out, she finds herself alone, downtown-and about to become good friends with the last person she'd spend a dinner date with....
The Prodigal Son (romantic horror)
LOGLINE: A vampire sets her sights on a unlikely prey: a streetwise prison parolee and addict.
Link is back on the street after 25 years in prison for dealing drugs, working a parole-enforced job in a convenience store, trying to stay straight and failing miserably. Lurking behind him is a British girl in the city, attending private school where she hides an evil secret appetite. Late at night, he gives in to his base desires, where she makes her presence known. She even visits him at his crap job, avoiding the vampire hunter in town looking for the legendary Bloody Lolita, and inviting him into her nocturnal world with the promise of salvation from his hopeless existence.
I also have a half hour sci-fi comedy called The Alien From Avenue C. This would be great for sci-fi TV, preferably cable due to adult language and themes, as they say:
LOGLINE: A UFO lands on a low-income apartment in NYC, and wreaks havoc and enlightenment on the residents.
When a UFO lands on a low income apartment in NYC, a trio of young girls take him in-to the delighted surprise of their father, an alien lore aficionado who's from another world-Africa-himself. It also attracts the attention of some local drug dealers, known as the Spritual Specialists, as well as a lady downstairs who is about to murder her husband.
Please eMail me with any questions or if you'd like to read. I'll be in a writing contest near you and on triggerstreet.com, moviebytes.com or sites like it, as well as working with other writing peers before I start shopping for a production deal. I'm very happy about this, and I'm looking forward to busting into the writing and film business once and for all.
No Prince Charming (breakup / midlife crisis drama)
LOGLINE: What would you do if you were attracted to an executive at your company? You would assume she doesn't need someone like you in your life. Are you sure?
Our hero is an aging bachelor with a high pressure, if outwardly dull, job. His fascination is a dotcom multimillionaire who owns the company he works for-together with her husband, with whom she appears to have a wonderful life and family. But he's deep in a merger that's about to go sour, and she's cheating on him with the gardener. When a bitter divorce eventually breaks out, she finds herself alone, downtown-and about to become good friends with the last person she'd spend a dinner date with....
The Prodigal Son (romantic horror)
LOGLINE: A vampire sets her sights on a unlikely prey: a streetwise prison parolee and addict.
Link is back on the street after 25 years in prison for dealing drugs, working a parole-enforced job in a convenience store, trying to stay straight and failing miserably. Lurking behind him is a British girl in the city, attending private school where she hides an evil secret appetite. Late at night, he gives in to his base desires, where she makes her presence known. She even visits him at his crap job, avoiding the vampire hunter in town looking for the legendary Bloody Lolita, and inviting him into her nocturnal world with the promise of salvation from his hopeless existence.
I also have a half hour sci-fi comedy called The Alien From Avenue C. This would be great for sci-fi TV, preferably cable due to adult language and themes, as they say:
LOGLINE: A UFO lands on a low-income apartment in NYC, and wreaks havoc and enlightenment on the residents.
When a UFO lands on a low income apartment in NYC, a trio of young girls take him in-to the delighted surprise of their father, an alien lore aficionado who's from another world-Africa-himself. It also attracts the attention of some local drug dealers, known as the Spritual Specialists, as well as a lady downstairs who is about to murder her husband.
Please eMail me with any questions or if you'd like to read. I'll be in a writing contest near you and on triggerstreet.com, moviebytes.com or sites like it, as well as working with other writing peers before I start shopping for a production deal. I'm very happy about this, and I'm looking forward to busting into the writing and film business once and for all.
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