I need to talk to you about something urgent.
The recent arrest of Tyler Boebert, a Caucasian youth "accused" of robbing storefronts and running with street gangs, just to name a few crimes of his - "accused" my foot, he did it - has made it hard to avoid the most troubling threat facing the nation today. Nobody wants to address the issue, as indicated by dozens of news publications publishing article after article on the story and promoting it in front of anyone who can do basic googling.
But it's time to talk about The Caucasian Menace™.
You know it's happening. It's everywhere in our suburbs and urban downtowns. Every day, you see Caucasians flood over the borders of our universities and corporations and gentrifying our downtowns. And it never makes them better, let me tell you!
Their presence, this invasion, is not an innocent or innocuous thing. This Caucasian Infiltration™ is the reason everything you encounter costs too much. Your home, the food you eat, going to your job (which you still have to do, for reasons), even watching TV! Why can't you afford anything anymore? Why is everything inferior quality and customer service seems to be a thing of the past?
It's all because of corporate price gouging, layoffs, systematic wage suppression, and manufactured inflation - and who do you think invented all that? Mexico?!
But it gets worse. White collar crime rates have ballooned over the last few years. Corporate executives hoard billions in high-interest savings accounts and hedge funds that aren't even in America! And they promote their toxic values all centered around the "work ethic", while you slave away trying to appease their corporate agenda and lifestyles. Notice any patterns in who's committing these crimes?
Hmm?
If I sound angry, it is because this is personal to me. An Uber driver near where I live in Connecticut was struck and severely injured by a Caucasian man driving drunk, and his passengers were also severely injured.
Well, what do you know about that - another Tyler perpetuated this disaster! And he was driving an Audi to boot! You know that guy ain't a Hindu!
You know who is? That good, honest, hard-working, self-sacrificing immigrant who can tell you first hand about The Caucasian Menace™ plaguing our college campuses today. (To be fair, his riders could as well, but they were probably Caucasians, so never mind them. Probably out to get drunk and go dancing as Caucasians are wont to do.)
Personally, I would be OK if these Caucasians carried themselves in a more responsible and socially acceptable manner. After all, any one of them has to be held responsible for each and every thing other Caucasians they may or may not know do or say! Don't they know that? So they should be more likable and less loud or brash in public. Not to mention if they would stop playing that horrible country music and classic rock too loud when driving around in their fancy cars.
Finally, it has to be pointed out that people like Tyler Boebert are not created in a vacuum. It's not entirely their fault, even though we should all act like it is....No. They're the product of a Caucasian upbringing. It's worth pointing out that his mother has been seen vaping and performing sexual acts on her date in a crowded theater! She and all her children posed with assault rifles on a Christmas card.
A Christmas card, people. Now how do you think someone brought up in that kind of household is going to act?
The worst part? This is the woman the Caucasians have installed in Congress to push a Caucasian agenda. Remember when she was losing that election in very centrist Colorado, and then won by a few hundred votes?! Election fraud! Recount! Audit that election so we, the people, can ignore the results to our liking!
She's even established an "anti-Squad" in Congress with fellow Caucasians Marjorie Taylor Greene and Matt Gaetz. From Georgia and Florida, notable hotbeds of Caucasian ideology and lifestyles, respectively.
All at the bidding of one of the most prominent Caucasians to ever occupy the Oval Office. A POTUS so Caucasian that in 1973, when he was a private citizen (and another notorious Caucasian was in office because he wasn't prosecuted yet) he was sued by the US Department Of Justice for not renting his family's luxury properties to renters of color.
Is that what you want? Caucasians writing laws for you and telling you what to do and how to think? Because how has that gone throughout history?
If this "congressperson" or her voters are reading this, let me turn off the satirical part of this essay and talk to you directly....
Do you understand now how you sound when you talk about your precious border? About people you don't know and will never meet? Do you understand how it feels?
